Some where in Buntington Heach, CA
Early Spring to Late Summer, 2000
"The Case of the Missing Flywheel"
Look out, Larry's got his eye on you!
Well, I haven't updated the website in almost two months. I was having a little bit of "writer's block", and I just couldn't get the stories written for some reason. Wayne will say that he notices that if I win an event, I immediately update the website. But if I suck at an event, sometimes I just kinda of "ignore" that weekend. I have finally got off my ass to write up the last couple of adventures, and decided to start with a non-racing story. Kinda like a cheesy detective novel, with apologies to "The Smoking Gun".. Here it goes....
My car has this light flywheel in it for performance
purposes. Unfortunately, it made
contact with Larry’s eye. Pop
Quiz Time. Was it because:
Anyways, to get on with the story, The Buntington Heach Police (Note: I transposed the first letters to avoid this webpage from coming up in search engines, if you know what I mean. I am sure the Buntington Heach Police have PR slaves that search the Internet for anyone posting derogatory webpages about them, and then issuing an APB to find them and kick their ass) confiscate the flywheel. No big deal, right. Then, I realize that it is MY flywheel. That goes in MY NSX. Dammit all, I want my flywheel back, I don’t care if it has Larry’s DNA all over it. So I march into the BHPD, and politely ask for my high performance flywheel. I am then told it is evidence in a potential attempted murder case. And that evidence cannot be released right now, come back later. So now I am pissed. Larry’s eye and face is healing nicely, but I still ain’t got my flywheel.
Two months later, Larry and I march back into the BHPD. The attempted murder case appears to have been dropped. A detective asks us for the case number. We produce the case number. The detective fills out the property requisition slip for us. He tells us to follow the painted footsteps to the property room where I can pick up my flywheel. Larry and I are smiling. It is a good day. We get to the supply room. I whip out my requisition slip, and the guy looks at the slip and then at me kinda like, “Uh oh”. He goes into the back room, and comes out, and says, “Uh…….we threw it out”. Larry said my face looked like I could not comprehend what the officer was saying. “Huh??”, I managed to blurt out. “What did you say???”. The officer then said that they threw it out a little while ago, and they did not think it was of any value. “Well, it is of no value if you own a 1997 Ford Crown Victoria with sirens on it, you bozo-brained, wanna-be Nazi”, is what I think to myself. “Gee, I wonder what happens to all those kilos of cocaine that you guys confiscate, does that get ‘thrown out’ also?”, I again think to myself. I can’t tell the officer what I really think, since Pulp Racing and 1-800-Phoneguys are located in Buntington Heach, and I don’t want to be pulled over in the F355 and beaten to a Pulp(ha ha), and have newpaper people call me “The Asian Rodney King” or “The Japanese Amadou Diallo.” I mean, let’s face it, the reasons there were no riots on the July 4th weekend the past couple of years is because the Buntington Heach Police came out in riot gear and kicked everyone’s ass. Talk about Clampdown, you can’t even drink a damn beer on your own front porch 4th of July weekend in Buntington Heach.
Nothing can stop the man from NSX Modified from smiling.
So, anyways, Larry is laughing at me, cracking up.
I can’t see why he is laughing at me, I should be laughing at him.
Hell, I would have been quick enough to DUCK and have the flywheel miss
my face. I tell the officer, “So that’s it. It’s gone. That’s
all you can tell me? That high
performance racing flywheel was worth $700 bucks!”.
The officer then says, “Well, you can go down to City Hall, and fill
out a report with Risk Management, maybe they can help you”.
I can’t take it anymore, I give up for the day.
Two weeks later, I cruise into “Risk Management”
Apparently they also issue passports here, so there is about 20 people
crammed into a small office area, with a big “Take a number” sign.
I give up again.
Two weeks later, I cruise in, and fill in my report.
I fill out page 1 and page
2 of the “Claim Against The City of Buntington Heach” form.
This doesn’t looks promising. Especially
when an LAPD officer tells me that “Risk Management Department”, is a polite
way of saying, “Get lost buddy, The City bets you will not hire a lawyer to
settle you trivial claim, so we ain’t gonna give you shit”.
Well, I got news for Buntington Heach.
If my flywheel is worth $700, I will pay a cheap, shyster lawyer $699 to
get my $700 back, so at least I am up $1 on principle, and hopefully the lawyer can
generate $3000 worth of work for the City of Buntington Heach to deal with.
And cause some pain and suffering to the officer with doughnut crumbs
encrusted all over his face and moustache by making him explain to his superiors
why he threw out evidence in a potential murder case.
And, then, lo and behold, three weeks later I get a cover letter in the mail from
Risk Management, that basically says something like, “Uh, we screwed
up, so we
will give you $700, but you have to release the City from all future claims,
liabilities, injuries, damages, losses that are currently known, unknown,
foreseen, or unforeseen. Sign here
Two weeks later, I got my check in the mail! I just have to make sure that I avoid any contact with BHPD officers, especially when there are no witnesses around.......